Be Your Own Valentine

Be Your Own Valentine

For recovering narcissists like me, Valentine’s Day can be a rather melancholy occasion of introspection, rather than a celebration of shared love and affection.

My question is: if I’m as talented, witty, creative, interesting and fabulous as I think I am- then why am I no one’s Valentine? Is my innate wonderfulness simply too intimidating for others to comfortably process? Am I just too gnarly to handle? The answer eludes my superior intellect.

In an attempt to find the reason, I consulted the book The Narcissism Epidemic: Living In the Age Of Entitlement by Jean M. Twenge. In the book, I found that narcissists like me generally have a case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). NPD sufferers typically display traits such as: a pronounced lack of empathy, kindness and charity towards others.

After learning this, I tried to be empathetic, but found that other people are just too boring. I tried to be kind, but discovered that most people really annoy me. I tried to be charitable, but I expect praise and gratitude, and I got none. This didn’t work, because when I do things for others, the purpose is for me to feel good about me!

It’s obvious that a secular, clinical approach to my narcissism disorder isn’t effective, and that my Valentine’s Day will probably be a lonely one. So, this year I’ll try a philosophical, spiritual solution for my NPD. To be my own Valentine, I’ll practice 10 spiritual truths, from 10 spiritual mystics, to try to become more lovable.

If you’re an unlovable narcissist too, you can use these truths to be your own Valentine, (BYOV) and with any luck, someone else’s.

BYOV ‘Truths’

"When love is missing in our lives, we must look at ourselves and see how we are not being loving to ourselves and to others. Since what we give out comes back, then if we’re short on love, we need to give ourselves and others love, and then there will be plenty of love to go around. If you try to fill needs with ‘things’ or time, these are commodities that are, by their very nature, limited. But if you give love, then you can never run out."

— Marie T. Russell

"Love has in it no desire for return or recompense, so if what you do has in it any desire for reward, recognition, or gratitude, it becomes trade, not love. When two persons say they love each other and take the attitude "You do this, and I’ll do that," that is not love. That is trade. Love is what a person feels and does without a single trace of hope or desire for reward."

— Joel S. Goldsmith

"Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you."

— Dr. Wayne Dyer

"A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him."

— Brendan Francis

"It is actually possible to love anyone. There are people whose heart doesn’t close to anyone, no matter what someone looks like or how someone acts or how different he or she is, because they see beyond the person’s disguise to what is Real. The Real — the divine Self — is apparent in everyone if we choose to look for it. It’s easier to see it in some people than in others, but it can be seen in the eyes of anyone."

— Gina Lake

"We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love."

— Robert Fulghum

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."

— Robert A Heinlein

"If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything."

— Marilyn Monroe

"Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you’"

— Erich Fromm

"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world."

— Lucille Ball

If all of the above fails, buy yourself a Valentine’s flower; because no matter how narcissistic, self- centered and self-absorbed you are, every time you exhale (CO2) you make that flower happy!

I’m just a love machine at