12 Ways To Glorify Your Glop (Chili)

The annual Kiwanis Chili Cook Off, happening this Saturday, Jan. 25, at 6 p.m. at the Albert H. DeWitt Officers Club, always evokes fond chili memories, like the following.

In the 1970s, if you had pulled off fog-blanketed Highway 99 to spend a cold January afternoon at June’s Glorified Eats truck stop, you might have heard a conversation like this.

“Boy howdy, June-bug, it’s right nippy out there! Been a long time!  How ya’ll?”

“Cain’t complain, Red! Get your big tush in here and warm yourself up! Where ya headed?”

“I’m a haulin’ me a load a toilet seats up to Chico.”

“Toilet seats? Tee hee hee!  Sounds like a real crappy job to me, Red!”

“Well, that ain’t the best part, June-bug. The recipient’s name is John Butts!”

“Ha! Well, look at it this way, Red. When you’re dung, I mean done, you’ll be flush with money!”

“That’s right, June-Bug! Then me and you can throw us a “potty.”

“Oh, lordy! Enough with the toilet seats! What can I get you, Red?”

“I need somethin’ to warm me up, June-bug. Gimme a big bowl of glop (chili) and a mug of mud (coffee).”

“You got it, Red. How do you want that glop glorified?”

“Give it to me Lone Star style, June-bug. I’m from Texas.”

“Me too, Red. We Texans like our glop straight up and basic. Just beef, chilies, onions, garlic, a little oregano, salt and pepper and a splash of water. Cook low and slow ’til the beef is fork tender, in a thick, dark red broth. That’s real rib-stickin’ Texas cowboy food!” 

“You sure make mighty fine glop, June-bug. What’s the recipe?”

“Well, I’d give it to you Red, but then you’d have to marry me!”

“You’d marry a man who sells toilet seats?”

“On second thought, maybe I’ll just give it to you, Red.”

June’s Glorified Eats Lone-Star Style Glop (Chili)
Ingredients for the sauce:
12 dried guajillo peppers, 
   stemmed and seeded
1 tablespoon Gephardt’s Chili 
1 teaspoon Mexican oregano
½ teaspoon cumin
Salt and pepper to taste
Ingredients for the glop (chili)
1 tablespoon Crisco
1 large onion chopped
2 jalapeno peppers chopped 
2 cloves garlic chopped
2 pounds beef chuck roast 
   cubed (1/2 cubes)
¼ cup flour
Salt and pepper to taste
2 cups beef stock

Make the sauce first. Toast the dried peppers in pan about a minute per side, until the skins blister.

Set them into a bowl and cover with hot water for 30 minutes, until they are soft. Transfer the peppers to a blender with the oregano, chili powder, cumin, salt and pepper and 1 cup of the soaking water. Blend until smooth. Strain the sauce and set aside.

Heat a large pot to medium heat and add the Crisco. Add the onion and jalapenos and cook until soft, about 5 minutes. Toss the cubed chuck roast in the flour with salt and pepper to coat well. Add the garlic and coated beef to the pan. Brown the beef on all sides, about 6 minutes. Add the red sauce and stock and bring to a simmer. Reduce the heat, cover and simmer for at least 90 minutes to let the flavors develop.

To thicken the chili, remove the cover and increase the heat. Reduce the sauce until the preferred thickness is achieved.

Feeds four Californians or one Texan.

To glorify, you can serve it crippled, (with beans) cheesy-greezy, (topped with Velveeta) sized, (open-faced chili burger) woofed, (chili-dog) a la Francais, (in an omelet) Cincinnati-style, (with shredded Cheddar, fried egg and spaghetti) hippie-style, (with tofu and bean sprouts) stroganoff, (with sour cream and mushrooms) Hong Kong-style, (over rice) Irish-style, (in a baked potato) New Mexico-style, (over Fritos) or Lone Star-style, (straight up).